green_queen | Muhneycon: The Epic Adventure

Okay, here's my Muhneycon report. It is HUGE, and will bore a lot of you. Don't click unless you're really interested!

The long-winded, occasionally disastrous, largely raving and hopefully entertaining tale of the weekend of Muhney & the Kangaroo Killers

I went up on the bus, but the bus got in a bit late and I was being picked up back at the bus terminal 2 hours after I'd left it, so I had to race to get to my friends' place, drop my stuff, shower, get prettied up & shoot off, so I only got to see them for the shortest time (but they were watching Torchwood!!)

Then that night I went to the cocktail party, where I got to meet Michael Muhney! I have to tell you, Muhney looked SO FUCKING HOT. Jeans, white shirt that had a lot of opening at the top, hair all spiked up - my friend Di actually said (she thought quietly) 'I'll take one of those to go' and he heard and laughed. I got to talk to him a bit that night, and quickly discovered that he's just as wonderfully nice and funny and genuine as all the reports have said, and then as the night got later and Muhney got more into it he started getting dirty and funny. He and my friends were talking about 'top 10 ways you can tell you're a pedophile', which I only caught the hilarious tail-end of. It was so much fun getting to hang out with him and my friends that night. I wish I could remember more of what was said! Oh, he said that he had a really hard break-up once while talking to

leishpod and I, sharing experiences with Leish. Ellen and Mercedes both put in appearances but I didn't really get to speak to either of them, which was kind of a shame.

I had to be up for the breakfast next morning; I got home at 12/12:30, got to sleep at about 1 and was up the next day at 7, out by 7:30, didn't even see the girls I was staying with. Lucky me (and possibly some taking advantage of suggestions and situations) I got to sit next to Muhney at the breakfast as well. It was really relaxed and fun again, but right now the only thing I can distinctly remember him talking about that morning was that he thinks it's a basic human instinct to talk about gross bodily functions and icky stuff while eating, like it's some sort of primal thing. Before I write what I said in response, I would like to say I think we're sort of on the same level in terms of slightly snarky, sarcastic humour (at least judging by how much he teased me over the course of the weekend). I responded with 'Maybe you just don't have anything else to say', which I thought was a bit harsh afterwards, but oh well. It was really fun, and I learned he doesn't like tomatoes. Then my friends and I headed over to the convention.

I saw

natatree at the convention, which was nice, I hadn't seen her in ages. Muhney's Q&A was first, and I won't describe what he was wearing because there's photos all over the place at

rack_of_lamb and you can go find out for yourself - first off, there's a lovely post by

buffiness with great pics. Anyway, he looked great, and the panel was just as funny and honest (often VERY honest) as talking to him one-on-one, which is great. He told some funny stories and one VERY dirty joke, which I'm not going to post. You can find out about the panel here and in other people's reports. I particularly liked the jellyfish story, so I'll write about that one.
He was walking on the beach in Queensland while shooting a movie there, and he was kind of walking by the water and chilling when he saw these three topless girls. So Muhney was trying to be cool, not look too much, and then he suddenly started feeling sweaty and dizzy. Of course, he was like 'What the fuck, I've seen topless women before!', but then he felt this pain in his leg. He looked down and it was a jellyfish, all wrapped up around his legs. He didn't want to be freaking out and looking like an idiot in front of the girls, so he sort of casually leant down and removed it with a stick and then went back to his hotel. He made it, and the guy at the hotel basically said that the poison could have really made him sick and maybe killed him if his heartbeat had gone up, because it would've circulated faster. So, essentially, six breasts saved his life.
I also LOVED that he wanted to fuck with the paparazzi by acting all lovey-dovey with Tasma Walton so they'd report on this weird love triangle between the two of them and Rove, it sounded like a great idea.

You'll have to forgive the fact that I'm swearing more than usual in this report, Muhney has a foul mouth and it's weirdly hard to write about it without swearing. Actually, I've been swearing more in general since this weekend.

The photo session happened after that, and he was being really friendly and lovely with everybody. The woman in front of me had blinked 4 or 5 times while the photo was being done, so she got to have it done over and over again. When it was my turn I was like 'Did it take? Are you SURE? You don't need another one?' but it turned out great the first time. Debbie (the photographer) did get Muhney to move his hand down my arm so it didn't look like a freaky flesh-spider crawling all over me, but that was about all the excitement at that point.

The other talks were OK, Ellen is sweet and personable (but so skinny it really is scary, it made us all really worried about her) and her talk was fun with lots of great stories. She told one horror story about going through Canadian customs and having to lie because MGM told her to, and ending up being taken aside and THOROUGHLY searched until she broke down. It sounds nasty, but the way she told it was funny. Elisabeth and Mercedes fell a bit flat both days for some reason. They just weren't as willing to tell stories about themselves when the questions ran out, which was a bigger problem in Sydney, because the little room was a bit intimidating and I think people were kind of scared to ask questions. Ellen and Mercedes were both super sweet during the photo sessions, they said they'd seen me at the cocktail party and it was nice to meet me, that sort of thing, and my photos with them are nice too.

We got autographs later on, and Ellen wrote 'live your dreams' on mine. I've never seen anyone write their signature as deliberately as she does! I got to Muhney and he was like 'It's Katie, right? But spelled i-e?' We'd had a conversation the night before about how his - sister, I think it was - has the same name, but she spells it Katy, which he thinks is oh so superior or something. He ended up writing 'Katie, you do have a pretty name, dammit though, you should spell it right! ♥ Muhney.' So being the whiney, slightly snarky brat I am, I said "I get one autograph and that's all I get? Bitching about my name?" and he said "Don't you worry, I'm writing more!" He then added my personal favourite part: 'I deeply, profoundly, profess my love for you. And you also have an amazing body!'
While he was writing that Di was joking around saying he was writing a fucking essay, and I got a cast shot signed (this one, if you want to get specific) and was planning on collecting autographs (which is not a plan since the essay!) Someone (Di?) said "It's okay as long as he doesn't write on the back' so, of COURSE, he proceeded to flip the photo over and write 'Ha! Ha! ♥'
SO awesome.

How much have I written, and we haven't even gotten to the night? This is going to be a long fucking post!

SO. The end of the con day rolled up and Muhney was playing around with some kids who were hanging out with their dad, who ran one of the booths. He was holding them up against the wall (one boy in each hand up against the wall, very impressive arms on that one) and knocking them over and getting them all revved up, and then he came around and said goodbye to everyone and gave us all hugs. Afterwards,

leishpod, Dana and I were standing around saying how we wished we could see him the next day, and how we could totally drive to Melbourne (as an off-handed remark). We started discussing how that would theoretically happen, and suddenly it became apparent that we were actually making a PLAN to do it (and that we were maybe crazy.) We went to Carissa and said 'what would you do if we made a road trip overnight to go to the con tomorrow in Melbourne?' and she was like 'You're crazy. So what you do is, you leave right now and get some food in you, drive along the highway, here's the address, I'll let you guys in for free, you can come to the breakfast.' COMPLETELY encouraging us to do it, and we called our respective people and it became less a plan and more an action. A friend called Dave decided to join us, and we were off. I stopped my Bonney & Nina's to pick up my stuff and I didn't get to hang out with them all weekend! They were so nice about it, though. We had to go back twice for things I'd forgotten, but we eventually got to Dana's to pick up her things, and we took

leishpod's car on the road.

We were taking it in shifts to drive. Dana and

leishpod both took shifts early, and I was up front talking to them while the others (Dave and whichever of the girls wasn't driving) napped or tried to in the back of the car. We stopped at a petrol station at Gundagai! I was so excited. Actually, we were doing really well up until that point - I wasn't tired, we were making good time and having some snacks and generally enjoying ourselves. Anyway, it was my turn to drive, and Daylight Savings went over (about 2 am) and I was chatting away with Leish and then
BOUNCE, SMASH
dead kangaroo and one FREAKED OUT Green Queen. Seriously, that was how it happened. I saw it bounce into the headlights and before I could even react we'd hit it, and I watched it just get torn apart. It fell under the wheels and we ran over it (it later turned out that I hit it exactly right to kill it and cause minimum damage to both the car and its passengers - there were so many things that could have gone SO much worse, we could've all been hurt or worse had I swerved or hit it differently.) Leish and I were just FREAKING OUT, while Dana and Dave woke up in the back seat and were like "Huh? What's going on?" Then fucking Dave gets his camera out to point at the window JUST IN CASE we hit another one, and I'm like, hunched over the wheel, tense as fuck and shaking a little, hoping to stop, and Leish is worried about her car - we could see that the hood was a bit dented, but everything felt and sounded OK. Leish wanted to check out the damage in some decent light so we started looking for a servo. We just drove on until we saw a sign to another petrol station (which was FOREVER, or so it seemed - actually about half an hour to 45 minutes.) We go off the road, notice the power steering is gone, and find ourselves in a fucking GHOST TOWN. Not a living creature anywhere. We drove around for a bit to find the so-called petrol station and it's two tanks and nobody home. Finally we just stopped under a streetlight to see the damage and it was SO much worse than we thought - both headlights were smashed (but still working!), the high beam was just holding on by a thread, and the front was dented in. Even the numberplate had kangaroo imprint on it.

We couldn't do ANYTHING there though - we'd called Leish's insurance and apparently they're for breakdowns only, they can't go to collisions by law (even with a kangaroo that we couldn't avoid hitting) - so we went to the next town, Wangarata, and finally found a well-lit (and disturbingly well-populated) service station where we could finally get some help. We were there for an hour with Leish on the phone to her father trying to figure out what to do, while drunk bogans and then a tow-truck man from the local repair shop gave us their opinions on the car (alternately 'not road-worthy,' 'you'll be right,' 'tie a rope around here and pull it out' WHICH WE GOT TWICE.)

An aside - the car wasn't actually that bad. What we thought was a major problem was actually something we could have been OK with driving into Melbourne. The car is totally fixable, thankfully.

Not knowing that, we decided not to risk it and to take a train - which was running TWO AND A HALF HOURS LATE. The sun came up and the bugs were, to me, nearly unbearable, but Dave and I had some McDonalds' breakfast and we got on the train only an hour and a half later and were on our way again (albeit for $40.) We had naps on the train, which was nice, and got to the convention JUST IN TIME. Believe it or not. Muhney came over and said he'd been really worried about us (he's such a nice guy, it's crazy). It turned out that the night before, as a joke (not knowing what would happen, of course) Carissa had mentioned to him that four crazy fuckers were driving down from Sydney to see him, so if we died he was responsible for four deaths. In the end, he was only responsible for the death of one kangaroo. He told the story in the Q&A, too, and referred to himself as a kangaroo killer, which led to us all calling ourselves the Kangaroo Killers for the rest of the day.

Yesterday was so much more relaxed, because we weren't rushing around intent on attending every panel and trying to get photos and autographs. It was a nicer venue, too. The WIND in Melbourne was CRAZY, though - it blew my bag off my arm at one stage! Anyway, Muhney's panel was as delightful as the day before's - he retold a minimum of stories. Muhney's so humble and real. (See? Raving.) He was talking about the problems of fakeness in LA, and how Mark Harmon really taught him a lot about how to deal with it all - that he took himself aside every day and just appreciated, for a minute, that he got paid to act for a living. Muhney made a point about how only half a percent of all SAG card holders can actually make their living from acting. He also mentioned that he'd sent Gary Oldman a fan letter as a kid. Wait, that was Saturday! I told you I was confused. Anyway, another really nice panel (he prefers seasons 1 & 2 to 3 and thinks they rushed into Lamb starting to see Veronica differently because they wanted her to be too adult too fast. I'll report more later if I remember it.) Green shirt that day, very nice.

Afterwards Leish had the idea that the five of us should get a photo together, and Muhney was like "Oh, I get it, the Kangaroo Killer photo! We'll call ourselves the 'KK' for short. Like the 'KKK' only for kangaroos." Dave blinked and then Muhney blinked (his only blink all con!) but we got a gorgeous photo in the end (I look a bit psycho in it, though.) Leish and I are totally going to make badges for the five of us that say 'Kangaroo Killers' on them :D

The rest of the day we kind of floated in and out of the green room or the panels. The room that the panels were in was great but it kind of gave me a headache and hurt my eyes because I was tired, so I couldn't stay for all of Ellen's or Mercedes & Elisabeth's panels. Ellen's was good again, more Dead Like Me questions (she does a great Callum Blue impersonation, he sounds hilarious) and the other was...better than yesterday, but still not terrific. Apparently Muhney asked some questions after I left. I took an extra chair down for them to sit on, I was very proud of myself. I even made a joke!

I 'volunteered' (like it was some sort of CHORE) to help out with the signing session - two of Carissa's helpers were off doing something else Very Important and she needed people to take care of Mercedes and Muhney, so I offered to take the autograph tickets for Muhney. And sit next to him and chat with him while he wasn't signing. Carissa gave me a strict 'No Inappropriate Touching' rule and let me do it :D Leish joined me. It was really fun (although in trying to be professional and with half a working brain I was kind of aggressive about taking the tickets.) Muhney asked us whether it was weird meeting him after seeing him online and such - he was saying he knew who we were on LJ, but couldn't quite connect it with us.

Honestly, and it sounds either stalkery or corny (hopefully the people reading this will know I'm only a little bit of both), but I just enjoyed hanging out with him as a person, not even as Michael Muhney From Veronica Mars. He's so fun and sweet and great company. Sometimes I kind of hate conventions just because there's this gap - which Muhney tried not to let exist - between us and them that we could never really be friends or hang out outside that setting, but some of them are so warm and wonderful. Muhney was the best guest I've ever met at a con.

This is getting too long-winded, so finishing up now. Muhney personalised every autograph as well as adding a fun or sweet little message on every one of them, and really took the time to talk to everyone - we had people banking up at our table. We got four copies of the Kangaroo Killers photo, and he wrote a variation of the same thing on each. 'We are the "KK" people. Let it never be forgotten. May that furry fucker rest in peace." On mine, he also drew and arrow and wrote 'she did it.'

That night I decided, stupidly, to drink Red Bull (I didn't want to fall asleep beforehand and not wake up properly, but I also didn't want to run out of energy - I don't even know why I thought that would happen, because my energy had been at the same wired level all weekend.) I completely lost it that night. I was saying things that didn't make sense and all sorts of things. Again we got to talk to Muhney quite a few times, which was really nice (he did some venting about some people at the con who weren't too great, who we were all having problems with, and told some more stories - he tells stories so well, they're engaging and he builds them and paints a picture.) I wish it had gone better, though, because something hideously embarrassing happened (and I don't embarrass easily.) He was telling a story to a small group of us and I was listening and mid-sentence he just stops and looks at me and goes '...are you humming?' I was completely unaware that I'd been humming a song the WHOLE FUCKING TIME. WTF? I went all red and left for a second to compose myself. He hugged us all goodbye again at the end and there was mutual thanking, etc. It's such a shame, I had an amazing weekend and I feel like it kind of ended on a weird note. I also got to speak to Mercedes for the first time properly at that party. I think she's a bit shy in big groups but really darling one-on-one, so that ended up being a very fun, nice little conversation. We chatted a bit about a shared love of food, particularly chocolate, and how the day had gone.

That night I slept on cushions on the hotel room floor, and today I had a nice day just hanging around Melbourne, eating at Koko Black and TGI Friday's and riding trams. Caught a plane back today (I couldn't stand the idea of a train or a bus).

Overall, in spite of the kangaroo and my now $300 of debt, it was an awesome weekend. At least it's a story I can tell my grandkids, right? Michael Muhney was such a blast, and seeing some old friends and making new ones was a great experience. Thank you SO MUCH to Carissa and all the people who worked so hard, they don't get NEARLY enough credit and they are so wonderful. Bring on April.

In a few months. *sleeps for a week*

And I'm not eating potatoes, chips, hash browns or any derivative for a month.

Your brother's got the car tonight
Green Queen

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Date: 2007-10-29 02:01 pm (UTC)

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