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Previously on Lost, Locke is stupid, Jack is judgmental, Marvin Candle is creepy, Michael is an asshat. Cuh-razy.
BOAT! BOOOOOOOAT! EVERYBODY STRIP OFF AND SWIM AFTER THE BOOOOOAT! Seriously, three hot men stripping by the water. SHIRTLESSNESS.
JJ, Damon and Carlton, you are absolved of all your sins. I love you.
lol 'Maybe it's a trap.' Or, as Captain Tightpants would put it, a TRAAAAAP!
Gee, Sawyer's massive, infected gunshot wound sure has cleared up nicely. Hey, it's SexyJesus Desmond! What a...not...surprise. Whatever. Four hot men on a boat!
LOST!
So we have officially established that one cannot escape from Craphole Island. It'll either kill you or let you go, I suppose. Snowglobe! LOL. Whose theory was snowglobe?
PRISONER DESMOND SO HOT FLASHBACK OMG. Who's the girl? Our Mutual Friend? April Grace...no relation to Maggie? Hey, Alan Dale, an actual Australian! Also on The OC. Oh, right, plot. Ooh, a dishonourable discharge.
Ahh, rain and cold. Definitely in the UK, then. ...and their actual Australian is playing a Brit. LMAO.
Jerks stole his letters. Run awaaaaaay!
Longest credits ever. Here goes Sayid, smartest man on the island! BLACK SMOKE?!?!
'This time they will know that *we* are coming.' OMG.
Dude, Locke? You do not TELL Eko anything. You ask him. Nicely. And another recurring line!
Told you so. Locke just got pwned.
Nothing Michael has said gels with anything that our guys know about the Others. He is such a terrible liar. Even KATE worked it out.
Oooh, the Hostiles!
Libby has different hair! Hi Libby!
He could be gay. You don't know. It's always 'Who is she'? Henry Ian Cusick looks so hot in the flashbacks.
IT'S LIBBY'S BOAT? David like Dave? Cuz that'd just be weird.
Last but most important point, WHO THE FUCK JUST TAKES A BOAT OFF SOMEONE THEY NEVER MET BEFORE?! Jesus, apparently.
Yay, Sayid's gonna bring Jin! Daniel is so pretty with his blue shirt and long hair and Daddy smile. HELL YES GO SUN.
LOL CAUGHT IN A NET LOLOLOL.
WTF CRAZY BIRD. Bahaha unloaded guns. It DID say Hurley...I think...
Jack's bad lie is STILL more convincing than Michael's lies.
Charlie walkin' through the jungle...Charlie lookin' pretty...Charlie carin' about Locke...
I love Charlie. I...can't figure out what he's trying to tell Locke. But man, Dom looks SO pretty right now.
Ooh, Sun smacking down Sayid. LOL JIN.
LOL DESMOND'S HAIR.
Carrots what? Why do we have flashes of Locke in The Pearl?
LOL Sawyer and Hurley.
'Not hungry.'
'You serious?'
Yes, that's right Michael. You're fucked.
Okay, you know what? I get that they're trying to remind us of what's come before, but enough with the repeat lines. They're really bugging me. I like the more mythological aspects of the show and all but that's three already.
WHAT THE FUCK FOOT. Remarkably Argonath-like foot. Remarkably Argonath-like FOUR-TOED FOOT.
LOCKE STOLE EKO'S JESUS STICK. Bastard. Locke is always more fucking sure about everything than anything else in his entire life and it always turns out badly.
Ouch, poor Desmond. Followed by the most B-grade scifi horror techniques ever seen on Lost.
HOLY CRAP IT'S SAYID'S TORTURE MAN. Am I just forgetting about an earlier line about carrots?! Kelvin sounds even more despondent about saving the world than Desmond did.
Haha Jesus has the Jesus stick! 'We locked out a priest?'
Hey beautiful guitar-playing boy.
'Charlie, do you know how they got the hatch door open?'
'No, but if you hum it I can probably play it.' LOL. EKO PULLED HIM BY THE HAND. I'm telling you, domestic bliss.
BAHAHA ALIENS OMG.
Sawyer killed one! Who did Sawyer kill?
Jack's exposing The Plan? But what about Sayid?!
Yeah, Michael, say sorry enough and they might actually just up and forgive you for double homicide and leading them to their deaths. I love that Sayid constitutes The Plan.
Mmm. Sayid speaking Arabic = hot. They're coming up on Stonehenge!
Charlie 'Don't end up like Dr. Artz.'
'Eko is very upset John.'
Kelvin made The Map? He was Dharma?
Dude. Eko pushed Charlie up against a wall and stripped off his belt. That's all I'm sayin'.
OMG NO RUN CHARLIE DON'T DIE OMG. AUGH OMG. CHARLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
So the button keeps the island from kabooming. What if the watching of the button-pushing is the psychological experiment? WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?
Locke, you are an unbelievable ass. Yes, his world crumbled down around him, blah blah blah, WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?
I love Sayid but right now I just wanna know WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?!?!
The whole shanty town's a setup.
The messages went nowhere! But WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?!?!
OH NO SAWYER!
Does anyone else feel like we're the experiment and the Lost writers are the Hanso Foundation/Dharma Initiative at this point in time?
WHAT. ABOUT. CHARLIE?
I love Desmond's protective gear: a hanky.
He killed Kelvin ZOMG. Not that it wasn't unwarranted and an accident...
That was tense. Do I need to say WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE? again?
Oh. My. God. 'I think I crashed your plane.'
Hi Alex! If we don't find out if Charlie's okay really, really soon I'm going to have to choke a bitch.
Another Tom! As soon as not!Henry stepped off that boat I felt a strong, urgent and powerful desire to kill him slowly. What's business?
Charlie! He's bleeding. Poor baby! OMG HE CAN'T HEAR!
OH NO EKO!
LOCKE YOU SON OF A WHORE.
Oh the light!
Oh no, let Locke do it! I wanna keep Desmond around!
...and another repeated line.
CHARLIE AND EKO BETTER BLOODY WELL GET OUT OF THERE ALIVE.
'I was wrong.' Gee, Y'THINK?! Fucking Locke, man.
Oh God Oh God Oh God.
Charlie's okay! Oh, Charlie. Why do I get the feeling this ear thing isn't going to just go away? Him being a musician and all.
Michael and Walt are just...leaving?
'We're the good guys, Michael.'
'What am I, stupid?' Uh...do you want me to refresh your memory?
...what's it? Creepy kid, strange powers, just...waltzes off the island?
That explains why Hurley, then. No Jack, Kate or Sawyer at camp? Gonna be a whole different camp without them. I want Sawyer back! They can have the other two.
Charlie/Claire kissage! Finally! He got over Eko fast. Is Eko okay??? At this point I couldn't give a flying rat's ass about Locke, but I love Eko.
What. The. Fuck.
DESMOND! COME BACK!
In Harry Potter news, Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix. The old one got preggers. Also, Young Marauders news here.
And finally, new very sexy pics of Jensen and Jared.
Excuse me, I need to go lie down for a month to recover from the 60 heart attacks I suffered during tonight's Lost. Maybe recover my brain.
Green Queen
BOAT! BOOOOOOOAT! EVERYBODY STRIP OFF AND SWIM AFTER THE BOOOOOAT! Seriously, three hot men stripping by the water. SHIRTLESSNESS.
JJ, Damon and Carlton, you are absolved of all your sins. I love you.
lol 'Maybe it's a trap.' Or, as Captain Tightpants would put it, a TRAAAAAP!
Gee, Sawyer's massive, infected gunshot wound sure has cleared up nicely. Hey, it's Sexy
LOST!
So we have officially established that one cannot escape from Craphole Island. It'll either kill you or let you go, I suppose. Snowglobe! LOL. Whose theory was snowglobe?
PRISONER DESMOND SO HOT FLASHBACK OMG. Who's the girl? Our Mutual Friend? April Grace...no relation to Maggie? Hey, Alan Dale, an actual Australian! Also on The OC. Oh, right, plot. Ooh, a dishonourable discharge.
Ahh, rain and cold. Definitely in the UK, then. ...and their actual Australian is playing a Brit. LMAO.
Jerks stole his letters. Run awaaaaaay!
Longest credits ever. Here goes Sayid, smartest man on the island! BLACK SMOKE?!?!
'This time they will know that *we* are coming.' OMG.
Dude, Locke? You do not TELL Eko anything. You ask him. Nicely. And another recurring line!
Told you so. Locke just got pwned.
Nothing Michael has said gels with anything that our guys know about the Others. He is such a terrible liar. Even KATE worked it out.
Oooh, the Hostiles!
Libby has different hair! Hi Libby!
He could be gay. You don't know. It's always 'Who is she'? Henry Ian Cusick looks so hot in the flashbacks.
IT'S LIBBY'S BOAT? David like Dave? Cuz that'd just be weird.
Last but most important point, WHO THE FUCK JUST TAKES A BOAT OFF SOMEONE THEY NEVER MET BEFORE?! Jesus, apparently.
Yay, Sayid's gonna bring Jin! Daniel is so pretty with his blue shirt and long hair and Daddy smile. HELL YES GO SUN.
LOL CAUGHT IN A NET LOLOLOL.
WTF CRAZY BIRD. Bahaha unloaded guns. It DID say Hurley...I think...
Jack's bad lie is STILL more convincing than Michael's lies.
Charlie walkin' through the jungle...Charlie lookin' pretty...Charlie carin' about Locke...
I love Charlie. I...can't figure out what he's trying to tell Locke. But man, Dom looks SO pretty right now.
Ooh, Sun smacking down Sayid. LOL JIN.
LOL DESMOND'S HAIR.
Carrots what? Why do we have flashes of Locke in The Pearl?
LOL Sawyer and Hurley.
'Not hungry.'
'You serious?'
Yes, that's right Michael. You're fucked.
Okay, you know what? I get that they're trying to remind us of what's come before, but enough with the repeat lines. They're really bugging me. I like the more mythological aspects of the show and all but that's three already.
WHAT THE FUCK FOOT. Remarkably Argonath-like foot. Remarkably Argonath-like FOUR-TOED FOOT.
LOCKE STOLE EKO'S JESUS STICK. Bastard. Locke is always more fucking sure about everything than anything else in his entire life and it always turns out badly.
Ouch, poor Desmond. Followed by the most B-grade scifi horror techniques ever seen on Lost.
HOLY CRAP IT'S SAYID'S TORTURE MAN. Am I just forgetting about an earlier line about carrots?! Kelvin sounds even more despondent about saving the world than Desmond did.
Haha Jesus has the Jesus stick! 'We locked out a priest?'
Hey beautiful guitar-playing boy.
'Charlie, do you know how they got the hatch door open?'
'No, but if you hum it I can probably play it.' LOL. EKO PULLED HIM BY THE HAND. I'm telling you, domestic bliss.
BAHAHA ALIENS OMG.
Sawyer killed one! Who did Sawyer kill?
Jack's exposing The Plan? But what about Sayid?!
Yeah, Michael, say sorry enough and they might actually just up and forgive you for double homicide and leading them to their deaths. I love that Sayid constitutes The Plan.
Mmm. Sayid speaking Arabic = hot. They're coming up on Stonehenge!
Charlie 'Don't end up like Dr. Artz.'
'Eko is very upset John.'
Kelvin made The Map? He was Dharma?
Dude. Eko pushed Charlie up against a wall and stripped off his belt. That's all I'm sayin'.
OMG NO RUN CHARLIE DON'T DIE OMG. AUGH OMG. CHARLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
So the button keeps the island from kabooming. What if the watching of the button-pushing is the psychological experiment? WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?
Locke, you are an unbelievable ass. Yes, his world crumbled down around him, blah blah blah, WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?
I love Sayid but right now I just wanna know WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?!?!
The whole shanty town's a setup.
The messages went nowhere! But WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE?!?!
OH NO SAWYER!
Does anyone else feel like we're the experiment and the Lost writers are the Hanso Foundation/Dharma Initiative at this point in time?
WHAT. ABOUT. CHARLIE?
I love Desmond's protective gear: a hanky.
He killed Kelvin ZOMG. Not that it wasn't unwarranted and an accident...
That was tense. Do I need to say WHAT ABOUT CHARLIE? again?
Oh. My. God. 'I think I crashed your plane.'
Hi Alex! If we don't find out if Charlie's okay really, really soon I'm going to have to choke a bitch.
Another Tom! As soon as not!Henry stepped off that boat I felt a strong, urgent and powerful desire to kill him slowly. What's business?
Charlie! He's bleeding. Poor baby! OMG HE CAN'T HEAR!
OH NO EKO!
LOCKE YOU SON OF A WHORE.
Oh the light!
Oh no, let Locke do it! I wanna keep Desmond around!
...and another repeated line.
CHARLIE AND EKO BETTER BLOODY WELL GET OUT OF THERE ALIVE.
'I was wrong.' Gee, Y'THINK?! Fucking Locke, man.
Oh God Oh God Oh God.
Charlie's okay! Oh, Charlie. Why do I get the feeling this ear thing isn't going to just go away? Him being a musician and all.
Michael and Walt are just...leaving?
'We're the good guys, Michael.'
'What am I, stupid?' Uh...do you want me to refresh your memory?
...what's it? Creepy kid, strange powers, just...waltzes off the island?
That explains why Hurley, then. No Jack, Kate or Sawyer at camp? Gonna be a whole different camp without them. I want Sawyer back! They can have the other two.
Charlie/Claire kissage! Finally! He got over Eko fast. Is Eko okay??? At this point I couldn't give a flying rat's ass about Locke, but I love Eko.
What. The. Fuck.
DESMOND! COME BACK!
In Harry Potter news, Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix. The old one got preggers. Also, Young Marauders news here.
And finally, new very sexy pics of Jensen and Jared.
Excuse me, I need to go lie down for a month to recover from the 60 heart attacks I suffered during tonight's Lost. Maybe recover my brain.
Green Queen
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